Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
