Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
