the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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