just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
