oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
