i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
