No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
