it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
