i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
one two three fourrrrnication!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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