Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
