we have pet lesbian snakes
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So much Jack, so little girl.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
