And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
