hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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