Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
