Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
