Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
