He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
