You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
