whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize