Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
