like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Your cock deserves a montage
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
