It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
