We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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