so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
