I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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