I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
