She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
