I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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