dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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