Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
