so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
