dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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