God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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