I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
