We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
