I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
