life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
