so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
