hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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