wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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