Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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