That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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