When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
