for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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