this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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