ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
