Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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