it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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