Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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