drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
