her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
